Mother's Day Without Your Mother

Source: telegraph.co.uk

When it comes to Hallmark holidays, I am the ultimate scrooge. While most people embrace events such as Valentine's Day and use it an an excuse to spoil their other halves with stuffed animals and overpriced chocolates, the idea of me entering stores and being force-fed this commercial dribble makes me gag. Luckily for me many of my friends have a similar mindset (though I'm pretty sure if they were taken to a spa and showered with scented rose petals they would be partial to changing their minds), but one particular holiday that seems to grab people's attention is Mother's Day.

I have been motherless for approximately 17 years now, and have become accustomed to living without one. After my mother's death in 1998, my father swiftly had to adjust to being a single parent, which was troublesome for both parties (I was dressed in tracksuits up until the age of 12, which is probably when my dad realised I was actually a girl). That's not to say I didn't have female figures in my life; my father's sisters, who have grown up children of their own, are a wonderful reminder that a woman doesn't have to give birth to you to treat you like her child.

Because I was so young when she passed, Mother's Day was never particularly celebrated when my mother was around. That's not to say I didn't make an effort - while moving home last year, I came across a hilariously drawn card where I depicted me and mother as princesses, fingers fat as sausages, with the words 'to my mammy, thenk you for baying me the barbies they are very prety. happy mothers day from caroline xxx'. So much for my anti-consumerist ideologies. As I got older, Mother's Day became harder to stomach. Social media bombarded me with pictures of family units having dinner, presenting flowers, and enjoying their time together, which is not an unpleasant image, but one that would psychologically affect me more than I knew. The same way Valentine's Day is torturous for singles, Mother's Day was painful experience that I had to endure year after year.

Luckily for me, I have learned to deal with the grief over the years and now feel comfortable enough to get through this holiday with little or no thought. Nowadays, my Mother's Day is spent lighting a candle for my mum and spending the day with the other woman in my life - my partner's mother, who is the most supportive, considerate and incredibly selfless human being I have ever met.

However, I don't think one day should exist that reminds me how important your mother is. Every day should be Mother's Day - if she was capable of wiping smeared shit from your butt on a daily basis, she deserves all the love, care and appreciation in the world. Three cheers for the mums, whether they are with us, or in a better place.


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