Top 4 Men's Shoes I Love to Hate

Let's create a scenario, boys and girls. Well, this one's for the girls. Mostly. You're on the train. A 'fit bloke', as my fellow Londoners would say, gets on and sits opposite you. You exchange glances, smile, he looks away and you start examining his attire. "Ooh yes good shout...liking the blazer...awesome choice of hue there...and then we get to the..OH DAYM. Nevermind". He's wearing a pair of double buckled loafers so shiny that your £15 lipgloss suddenly doesn't feel worthy enough. You smile awkwardly and try to look anywhere but his feet. Yet the glint of the plastic silver can't escape your view and all you want is to shake him and ask "Why, boy? Why?!" Here my friends is a prime example of how vital footwear is (and how pervy one can be on public transport).

Another example: have you ever noticed that you can spot a tourist from a mile off just by looking at their shoes? No matter how amazing their outfit is, these particular specimens have a tendency to pick out really, really awful footwear. Like socks and sandals... *shivers* Or...really old school, 90's style trainers. Don't get me wrong, I love a bit of 90's (Saved by the Bell?  HELLO ZAC) but the footwear wasn't exactly something that 90's kids would be proud to dump onto the next generation; I for one will not be stuffing my kids in Spice Girl-esque platform boots.

Anyway, the point of this is that since working in retail (and using public transport a lot more since my car is busted, such a peasant), I've come to notice people's footwear a lot more. I say people, when what I really mean is men, as where I work tends to attract more customers of the opposite sex. For me, footwear has always been quite a defining thing for a person - it can say a wondrous amount about where you're going, who you're meeting, how you're feeling. Now I'm no expert on men's fashion, but I am a woman and despite needing glasses the thickness of my thigh, I have eyes. So, without further ado, here are some pretty ruthless thoughts of mine that you will most probably disagree with.

Image source: google.com. Of course.

An Ugg a day keeps the fashionistas away! I'm not going to go into a full-blown rant about these slippers but if you've read my rather unapologetic opinion of Uggs, you'll probably know that I am not exactly their biggest fan. What scares me considerably more than a bunch of 15 year old girls wearing snow boots in the spring is a bunch of men wearing snow boots at any time. Ever. I just don't get it, guys...why? *cries silently in the corner*

Image from oascompany.com

Anyone who sews a piece of flimsy material onto a foot-shaped piece of hard rubber seriously needs to think over their life choices. I only accept this kind of footwear if you are either a) a hippy, or b) from Catalonia, where espadrilles apparently originated from. Everyone else has no excuse.

However (yes there is a however), I can be a little bit forgiving if they look like this:

Image by Celina of bycelina.com

Mmm...Chanel...

Image from styleblazer.com

This one is aimed at both men and women; these...things are for when you've simply given up on life. I don't even approve of these being worn by children, and I refuse to acknowledge that whole "they're so comfortable!" shpeel. There are other comfy shoes in the world...I would rather go barefoot.

Image from ioffer.com

This isn't so much a particular shoe as it is a trend. For some reason, guys have recently found it acceptable to wear loafers or brogues (which are satisfactory if worn in the right way) with rolled up jeans/chinos and no socks. Am I the only person on the planet who simply doesn't GET it?

Maybe I'm just old fashioned and too used the days where men didn't give a flying monkey about 'fashion', trudged around in Vans or Converse all day and looked effortless. I know there are still some of you guys out there that do that, and if I could I would hug all of you. Thank you for keeping the trampy grunge look alive. Thank you.

And for the rest of you ugg-espadrille-croc-loafer lovers....as you wish, loves. As you wish.

xox